I feel like I am dying when I remember back to those days…
So, I try not to very often.

Tonight I was listening to a song that Craig Ellis and I performed at my Dads’ funeral.
Writing this song, much less performing it, was like nothing I have ever had to do.
I locked away this melody until tonight.

Putting that familiar tape into the cassette deck…
Becoming fully aware of which moment I was now connecting to.
Instantly, I was transported.

“Everyone in the room as devastated as I…
Facing a reality of ‘moving on’ beyond this moment…”

Only in the future, is it possible for us to realize all that was passed upon today.
I sang this this song trying to understand that this would be the last time I ever saw my father.
And you know what? It tore me up to shreds, finally accepting the inevitable truth.

Craig died later that same year, which intensified my loss beyond any tolerable limit.
I literally went ‘insane’ for years to come. Had to practice some serious ‘chill methods’, before wanting anything to do with a safe return into reality.

Despite many years now past this intensely personal experience…
I can still feel that same excruciating pain as if it were happening right now.
Story of everyone who has ever loved and lost, I suppose.

I never want to feel that way again…
And, yet, I know I will- Because I love.

Well…
My life has changed drastically since that point in time.
11 years this November.

I turn my head once again to the tape sitting in the player, and push play.
Out of the speakers begins the song which began this story which I now wish to relay to you, the reader…

Made an mp3 out of our performance…
Not before transferring it through analog hell first.
I felt like Dr. Frankenstein attempting to assemble that most important moment of his life…
And losing out desperately! :)

The sound quality is poor, and my voice cracks in some places…
But the spirit is still very much present.
I now present: Kiss Your Hand

Take care~