My apologies for getting this out to you so late in the evening…
I’ve been really sick this last week. And, it feels as though my heart is finally
failing me. A tad dramatic, but feeling a lot of pain as I write this.
I’ve been in bed for 5 days ongoing. And, when I get up, I can only crawl.
As I compose this letter now, I am laying on my stomach with my laptop on the
floor, and my arms reaching out…just to communicate with you again.
I cannot help myself truly…
I want you to know I am here, even though it seems as if I am not.
I feel so vulnerable, like I could die this time around…
And I am alone, so my situation seems really scary.
The doctor is saying rest without excitement. I go back in again tomorrow for-
them to tell me the same fucking thing over again, whilst injecting their legal
diagnosis through my skinny veins…
Time for me to pay it all back, I guess?
I’ve abused my body for so many years ongoing.
Lived a whole lifetime with this disease, and still fought against all the rules.
Doing everything I was supposed to not do, and all with zero regret.
Hrm…
Maybe I just wanted to defy death as long as I could? Who knows?
Or, maybe I was just idiotic about not listening to my body when it quietly asked
for me to stop? Affirmative yes.
Either way, all of these years wasted on physical rebellion has cost me dearly.
I guess the only thing to do next is leave? Ouch.
I hope not, if only because of not being ready…
So fucking what though, aye? Everybody dies.
Anyway, my baby…
I know it is Valentines day…
But I am not up to anything other than letting you know this:
“I love you, I always have.”
Can you believe me on this one, please?
Doesn’t it suck that I can be such a liar at times?
I am positive that right about now you just don’t know what to believe about me.
So, I’m sorry that I’ve always let you down in that way.
But, you know I’ve always loved telling a good story.
What can I say?
Worry no more, I will think of another good story to tell you soon ;)
hehehe
Wish I had a new piece to share with you tonight, but I do not.
And sleep is now falling into me deeply, my eyelids drifting heavy with dream.
It is the only time any of this does not hurt, as a matter of fact.
Is screaming that I feel like fucking shit redundant? UGH!
Guess I’ll just recycle this valentine that I made recently, and compile it-
with a tune ‘leaked’ just today. One that is quickly becoming my favorite btw.
The blobble portion of this piece is a collab with my good friend and collaborator:
Philip Wood, aka Sign69, aka http://www.sign69.com
Click on the link, and be on your way to my gift in return.
Oh wait…you have probably heard this particular song a million times by now…
Am I right? hehehe :P
Talk to you soon.