I’m down to nothing since I walked in here…
I close my eyes, and feel for you.
All these things have brought me to my knees…
I can’t forget, I reach for you.
Archive for ‘July, 2008’
I’ve been collaging since early childhood. My initial infatuation began with magazines. However, eventually this lead to having very little regard for my mother’s art books…
Holy shit! I got in so much trouble the day she discovered that I had not only gutted the hell out of her wonderful resource books…I even had the nerve to put them back on the shelf without saying a word!
These days, my mom continues to supply me with books and magazines for the sheer purpose of tearing out my hearts desire. And, although she has never again questioned my vigor towards this medium of expression- I do believe, she is probably just as equally happy that I have taken my preoccupations into the digital realm for further scrutiny…
UPDATE 01/26/11: Got a comment which suggested that I give the photographer, (whose work partially stars in this collage) a bit of ‘blogosphere’ credit. SO, without further ado, (and since said photographer no longer has a personal website / malware sanctuary to promote) – I now present the photographer whose ‘work’ is in this piece. Cheers~
Welcome to the html version of my journal.
I am currently sifting through the complete collection of my archives, and adding them to the journal at random. So, in addition to all of the old entries I have made, there will also be new ones which were previously unseen.
I cannot begin to describe how many new pieces are now in the process of being made, and added. So, if you do indeed decide to read back through all of the old entries…just know that what is currently up, is not even half of what is to come.
“This journey, we take completely alone…
This magnitude of undertaking, also the most difficult circumstance we will ever know…
It is the most challenged that we can only hope to be…
Our sole reward being, that by ends traveled, we may claim to have fully lived…”
Art is the method of levitation, in order to separate one’s self from enslavement by the earth. — Anais Nin
I was supposed to return with news of an html entrance to this site…
But, I have not done a thing towards making this a reality. Truth is, life has taken precedence over my
virtual existence for the time being…
My brother died last month….
And, well, I have been completely immersed with the deepest sorrow from having lost this beautiful
person in my life. Finding the time and mental energy to work on my website has been the furthest thing
from my mind. But…yes…here I am, telling you now.
I’ve been working on a tribute piece for my brother, that is by far…the best work I’ve ever done.
Yes, I know, I always say that. But, the truth is, this piece is as close to the word ‘tribute’ as any of my
art has ever been. I do not know how long it will take to finish. I can only move forward with the focus
that eventually it will be completed.
Nothing touches the degree of integrity which now pours into making this, my newest labour.
All my love splayed and canvassed in memory of the wild child, whom I knew not long enough…
But whom I adored to no end.
My mind has traveled quite a distance in this last month. It has been, and still continues to be, a constant
journey, sifting through memories which only now am I fully able to appreciate.
Just whoa…I loved that tortured boy so much! I am fucking devastated! :’(
I briefly return to reinstate my original intentions of completing an html version, once I am able.
But, as of current, I am going to need some time to recoup.
Away I return to sifting through emotional remnants which maketh a final tribute to my brother.
Talk to you soon.
PS: If you have not seen this movie…you absolutely must.
the theory that physical and psychological phenomena are ultimately explicable only in terms of a creative and interpretative mind.
“When I was younger, I believed that I hated everyone. And if you can believe it…I hated myself the worst of all. Being that I was such an angry person to begin with…It became easier to blame the world for my lack of concern- Thus enabling a detached route towards the exploration of arts in fiction. It was through this course of action, that I learned the value of keeping a photo of smiling strangers in pocket…”
Everything I have poured into this relationship, just wasn’t enough..
That is what hurts me more than anything. I have shattered myself trying to be the kind of person that you would hold in higher regards to others.
“I have given you my absolute love and support…I have given you my all.”
Somehow, I thought that giving myself so completely would keep your mind focused on what was detrimental to the growth of our bond. Was I so wrong?
My heart feels cold tonight. I am torn between wanting to absolve you from the typical human issues which now afflict our love- and also needing to stand firm on what I have always believed regarding the issue of love.
”What we give each other should be enough. And if it is not? Then, no matter how painful this revelation may be…we are just not suited for one another.”
To set the record straight…
I know that I was once your beautiful, carefree girl who was so easily able to divert your attentions away from the ills of everyday living. But, when I no longer wished to be adorned for such triviality, is when all soured between us. I ask, is it really so unreasonable that I should want every action to have a deeper recourse than just surface restorations?
Having now existed on the other side of this matter for some time,…
It is so painful being unable to keep the attention of my loved one…
All because I am not speaking in a manner which you prefer…
How did this happen, my love?
You are in essence saying to me, that a beautiful stranger is better equipped to garner your complete consideration, because they will not inconvenience you with struggle. Has everything really fallen this far away from how things used to be between us?
“For all that I have given in the name of loving you…I deserve better than to exist as the constant bring down. Don’t you agree?”
Thank you for your words.
It was nice to receive something so introspective after so many years of silence.
This was the deciding factor in why I even spoke to you at all this afternoon. I wish I could say that this pain I am feeling was now also behind me…but, I cannot.
I am still very unsettled on the issue of our next move.
“My whole existence has become about not feeling ashamed of who I am…and I just cannot change all the wrong fast enough to save us”
Please understand how difficult it is being me in this moment…
“The dialogue lacked reality and the actors failed miserably in effective deliveries of their speeches. Furthermore, the budget was too low to possibly pull off anything coherent enough for the consumer to even care to buy.”
And as history would have it…
All the actors ended up being the ultimate stage hogs on set. Everyone constantly fighting to have their plots of burial exist no less than ‘center stage’. Each actor also demanded birth righted wages over everyone else. Bombs flew to all four corners of the theater- Curses and Hex’s became scripted dialects without subtitles. And, these scripts which were sent out to everyone on the crew? Nobody had the decoded language ironed out just yet. SO, on the last day of filming, everyone was resigned to deciphering no one else but themselves.
“Fucking nuts, man!”
Had anyone demanded a legitimate sequel to this flick, it would have ended up being a directors cut, which would include the now infamous ‘edited scene’- One showing our heroes do battle over flesh lined chess pieces, and dipping their fingers in peasants blood ink, just to sign official documents.
Also featured, would be the missing ‘missing’ scenes- showing our Kings and Queens divorcing accountability from the game altogether, (…despite their bloody fingerprints being discovered on the champagne goblets.)
Were I not a fictitious narrator…I would most certainly be demanding my cash back, as this text is now etched into cybercrash theorm as ‘an official review’- Meaning: It didn’t make the final cut ::drum rolls and mouth harp::