“The dialogue lacked reality and the actors failed miserably in effective deliveries of their speeches. Furthermore, the budget was too low to possibly pull off anything coherent enough for the consumer to even care to buy.”

And as history would have it…
All the actors ended up being the ultimate stage hogs on set. Everyone constantly fighting to have their plots of burial exist no less than ‘center stage’. Each actor also demanded birth righted wages over everyone else. Bombs flew to all four corners of the theater- Curses and Hex’s became scripted dialects without subtitles. And, these scripts which were sent out to everyone on the crew? Nobody had the decoded language ironed out just yet. SO, on the last day of filming, everyone was resigned to deciphering no one else but themselves.

“Fucking nuts, man!”

Had anyone demanded a legitimate sequel to this flick, it would have ended up being a directors cut, which would include the now infamous ‘edited scene’- One showing our heroes do battle over flesh lined chess pieces, and dipping their fingers in peasants blood ink, just to sign official documents.

Also featured, would be the missing ‘missing’ scenes- showing our Kings and Queens divorcing accountability from the game altogether, (…despite their bloody fingerprints being discovered on the champagne goblets.)

Were I not a fictitious narrator…I would most certainly be demanding my cash back, as this text is now etched into cybercrash theorm as ‘an official review’- Meaning: It didn’t make the final cut ::drum rolls and mouth harp::

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under circles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.